Parents are naturally worried if their child gets bullied or picked on in school. But, what if it’s the other way round? What if your child is the bully? There are only few reasons why a child becomes a bully. They either want to be in power and control, or they experience a sense of deprivation that they resort to bullying. The latter are usually kids who are bully victim themselves, so they will feel that “I’ve been picked on, so I better get to them before they get to me” or “It’s not fair that I get bullied. I need to release my anger by taking out on my sibling or weaker kids.” However, there are also some kids who are just plain curious when they learn bullying behaviour from the media, TV or other kids at school, not knowing it’s a terrible thing to do.
If you’re unsure if your child is a bully and you want to avoid accusing them, watch out for the below warning signs before confronting them!
Red Flag #1: Impulsive and gets angry quickly
Behavioural problems such as hot-tempered, impulsive, easily frustrated, prone to fighting and lack of empathy towards others have higher correlation with bullying. Being impulsive and quick-tempered might not make your child a bully but it can be the spark that ignites it.
Red Flag #2: Have a need to control and dominate people
Having the need to dominate others to have higher social status and to be popular is one of the key characteristics of a bully. If your child behave this way at home towards their siblings and even you, they are more likely to behave similarly to their friends in school.
Red Flag #3: They have friends who behave aggressively
Most children who bully do not have shortage of friends. You will often see them with either large group of friends or smaller but intimate group. Do notice your child’s friends if they behave aggressively or dominantly towards other kids.
Red Flag #4: Good at talking their way out and blame others
It is easy to take compliments, but never easy to confess your wrongdoings. Similar theory applies, bullies will never take responsibility and admit that they are in the wrong. Instead, they will blame others or worse, they may bully someone else into admitting it was their fault.
Red Flag #5: Act positively to bullying behaviour
If you notice your child acting positively or take pleasure when they watch a violence scene on the TV or movies, you may want to stay alert. It could be as innocent as only a child’s cartoon fighting with each other. One of the most obvious sign is if your child brags to you about how their friends handle conflicts by fighting.
Red Flag #6: They act aggressively towards their siblings and other kids frequently
Getting into trouble for “messing” with another kid once can still be forgiven after understanding the whole situation and getting an explanation from your child. However, if your child gets into trouble in school or at home frequently, immediate actions must be taken.
Red Flag #7: Insensitive to the needs of others
Being insensitive, self-centered and do not have empathy for others are a few driving factors towards bullying. Your child with these characteristics may or may not be associated with bullying, but it is always good to cure the root cause before it manifests.
Red Flag #8: They live in a violent home
Children are good imitators, whereby their behaviour are massively influenced by what they perceive. So imagine if your child lives in a house where anger and violent is modelled. They are more than likely to build up frustration easily and react violently in normal circumstances.
Red Flag #9: They spend a lot of time online
With cyberbullying on the rise, parents must be more cautious with your child’s online activities. Try monitoring their activities or get them to share with you about what they’re doing online. If your child refuse, do take notice of their emotions and reactions while they’re on their devices.
Red Flag #10: They’re intolerant towards children who are different
If your child show a lack of willingness to accept kids who are different, parents must be extra cautious as there are high chances that they might engage in bullying, name-calling or harassing these kids.
Red Flag #11: They have difficulty sleeping
While bully victim do not have good night sleeps, bullies themselves are twice as likely to exhibit sleep-disorder as well. Not having a proper rest will impairs mood and their decision-making. Take notice if your child is always sleepy during the day or falling asleep in class.
Red Flag #12: They have experienced bullying first-hand
When your child was a bully victim previously, it is not surprising if they became a bully themselves. Keep an eye on them as bully victims might be more inclined to take out their frustration on other children, in effort to regain some control over their lives.
Having the above characteristics do not entirely mean your child is a bully. They are only warning signs and possibilities of your child going down the bully route if they are ticking many of these boxes. Now that you suspect your child is a bully, what do you do? Read our next article “My Child is a Bully! What Can I do?” Or if it’s the other way round, do read our articles “12 Signs your Child might be Getting Bullied” and “What to do if my Child is Being Bullied?”
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